#childdevelopmentstories

Behaviour management in the VYL classroom. When the world begins to fall apart…

by
London

I would like to dedicate this post to my trainees on the IH VYL course because it was during the coversations with them, during the session and after the session, during the tutorials and the informal chats on Whatsapp that this article took shape.

The set-up

Imagine: you plan your class, you get the materials ready, you enter your little kingdom and then things happen. They are the things you do not approve of, things you don’t like, things that should not be happening, things that get in the way of learning English. Or, in other words, as Harold Macmillan said ‘Events, my boy, events’, my favourite line of this week or even this whole month (courtesy to Edward).

The number of things that can happen is somewhere around… a few hundred and, naturally, it is simply impossible to put them all into a manual for teacher, with all ‘what to do’s and what not to do’s’. There are too many of these and there are too many variables that will be playing a part and adding the local colouring. Here, it is not the case of ‘one fits all’. Oups.

One thing is certain, the problem is not just going to go away, it is not going sort itself out. Whatever ‘unwanted behaviour’ is taking your lesson apart, it needs to be dealt with.

Here are a few roads to take.

Spinetto, Italy

The worst solution ever? Doing nothing.

Simply because it not a solution at all. The problem (whatever it is) is not going to simply go away, disappear or un-happen. Pretending that it hasn’t happened and moving on, in an attempt to save the activity, the game or the entire lesson, can only lead to even more serious consequences.

The unwanted behaviour needs to be acknowledged and stopped because it can escalate and compromise the well-being and safety of all the people present. So, do something! Perhaps one of these things that you can find below.

Moscow

Signal

The simplest way of doing it will be calling the student’s name but using a voice that is appropriate to signal the unwanted behaviour. The tone of the voice on its own should convey the message that something undesirable is taking place and that it needs to stop. This, of course, does not mean raising the voice or shouting but if the teacher uses the same ‘happy’ voice for praising and for disciplining (or ‘disciplining’), the message will be much more confusing for the kids. Instead of ‘Oups, I’d better stop‘, the child will think ‘Oh, look, my teacher is saying my name in such a nice way. She must really like me‘.

In the same vein, long speeches, in L1 or L2, will be counter-productive in such a situation. It is much better to keep it short, for example ‘No!’ or ‘Stop, please!’, used together with the child’s name and a gesture. And, as soon as the unwanted behaviour finishes, also acknoledge it, perhaps with a smile and a ‘Thank you’.

Very often and with a majority of things that can happen in the VYL classroom, this approach should do, if applied consistently. After all, kids know that we don’t run, we do not push the others, we do not take their toys and so on. In most cases, such a gentle reminder, a speed limiter of sorts, will do the job.

Saint Petersburg

Pause

Sometimes, these kinds of signals are not enough, however and it might be necessary to pause the lesson and deal with the problem in the open, either because more than one student is involved and / or because everyone can learn from it. This might be a situation when more than one child has done something to upset another (ie draw on their work, take their toy, say something) or when there is more than one child involved in any unwanted activity (hiding under the table, pretending to be a very angry dinosaur, hitting the class puppet, drumming with the markers on the table). All these situations do affect everyone present, not only the two students actively involved, and they need to be dealt with in the open.

‘Stop’ is still going to be necessary but it is going to work only as the first step. If there are any resources that contribute to the mayhem, they need to be taken away, for example these markers used to drum on the table. Then, a conversation.

It is very difficult to recommend something that will work in all the situations and all the contexts. Ideally, this part would be done in the children’s L1, but not all the teachers out there speak their little students’ language and not all the schools out there approve of the teachers using the L1 in the classroom.

Now, in Russia, I have the advantage of being able to understand the L1 of my students and what normally happens is we have these conversations in two languages: I speak English and my kids react in Russian, but it was not always the case. Like many of my colleagues in the VYL classrooms around the world, I had to do my magic only in English.

To be perfectly honest, it is not easy to grade the language to the level of pre-A1 and, at the same time, to convey the message in a delicate and sensitive way, but it is not impossible. You can use simple sentences and draw the children’s attention to the fact that their behaviour may make other students unhappy (‘Look, Sasha is sad now’) or that their behaviour is not appropriate (‘Is it a good idea?’). There are some advantages here, as it is almost guaranteed that these conversations will be short and concise and this is how I have dealt with all the issues in my classroom in the past couple of years. Although, to be perfectly honest, sometimes I am sorry that I cannot just sit down and have a real conversation in my students’ L1.

Moscow

Be clever

There are many tricks that the teacher can use in order to manage the behaviour of the group and of the individual students, without interupting the lesson too much but dealing with the problem effectively. Here are some of mine

  • Almost magically remove or stop the catalyst or the distractor, for example, put the hand at the back of the stool to block it and to stop the child from rocking, put the marker on the top of the board or on the top shelf
  • Use the command ‘Freeze’ to physically pause all the class proceedings and in a game-like way stop the unwanted behaviour. Although, of course, the teacher needs to introduce the game first. Once the kids got involved in something else, the disaster has been averted and the teacher is again in charge, the lesson goes on, according to plan. It might be the best solution for all the difficult situations when the world really does begin to fall apart and a quick fix is necessary. Instead of a conversation with the kids, a thorough analysis of the situation and looking for answers and the steps that need to be taken in the future.
  • Create a diversion and draw the kids’ attention to something else – a song (the easiest one to implement), a video, a favourite puppet. Again, as soon as the kids have calmed down, proceed with the lesson. And then take a moment to reflect on what led to the difficult situation.
  • Become the class clown and joke your way out of it. A funny face will do, a silly, clumsy gesture and a well-faked horror at the crayons that spilled out of the box. Then, like in most of the situations above – proceed, reflect and change.
  • Depending on the situation, it might be a good idea to whisper some encouraging message into the student’s ear. It can be in English, it can be in the child’s L1, it might a real whisper or a 5-year-old whisper (a good attempt that everyone present hears anyway). It will help to redirect the emotions, break the spell of sadness or anger, and it will help them to focus on something else and it works really well with the situations in which a child is upset or sad or just withdrawn, for whatever the reason there might be. It might be also a good idea to play a quick round of Broken Telephone with everyone, to involve the whole group in the same activity but it will work only if the kids already know the game.
Vyborg

Praise

There are situations when the best way of dealing with the unwanted behaviour is a complete diversion when instead of addressing the offender (apart from the basic signal and calling to attention), the teacher can choose highlighting the fact that the other children behave well.

Not only will it work well for the behaviour that is aimed at drawing the teacher’s attention (since the teacher is withdrawing this attention) but it will also acknowledge and applaud the behaviour of the class which is something that we often forget to do, taking those ‘angels’ for granted. Although, truth be told, they deserve our recognition.

Praising the students and reinforcing their behaviour will be also a clear message and, short-term, it will create a situation when the ‘offenders’ get a chance to reflect on their actions and to calm down and by the time everyone else has already been praised, they will also be closer to the desired behaviour and the teacher will be able to high-five them, too.

Baikal

Ignore (only not really)

Some disasters are better to be ignored entirely.

Of course, by ‘ignore’ I do not mean here the official Cambridge Dictionary definition of the verb because that is going to get us nowhere good (see above). What I have in mind is a VYL teacher’s (a pre-school teacher’s, a parent’s, a carer’s) definition of ‘ignore’ which, more or less, goes like that: acknowledge that a situation has occurred and, instead of drawing more attention to it, let it sizzle out, while, of course, keeping an eye on the child, paying even more attention than usual, only not openly this time.

Sometimes this will work better than any whole-class conversations or ‘lectures’, especially when we are dealing with a tantrum directed at getting the teacher’s attention hoping for an outcome that will be more favourable (ie we will not sing the song I don’t like, I will get the best sticker, I will be the first one to join the circle) or when two students have had a disagreement (and there are no obvious roles of the offender and the victim or when it is impossible to tell who is who) or when there is obvious resistance from the student and taking the matter further is dragging it into a dead-end street, like in the story here.

It has to be said out loud, it will not always be easy to label a classroom situation as ‘Ignore (only not really)’ because, of course, tens and tens of factors will have to be taken into consideration. Nonetheless, I believe, it is good to remember that this option also exists.

Rybinsk

Ask yourself it is a one-off or a regular feature

Or about working with the events long-term.

It is perfectly natural that all, even the most angelic and most well-behaved children, have a worse day, a crazy day, a tired day or a not-such-a-good day. This is the day when their behaviour might surprise their teacher (or, let’s be honest, completely ruin their teacher’s plans for the lesson). But these are the one-off events and it is not even necessary to analyse them in detail.

If, however, such unwanted behaviour happens regularly and repeatedly, it will be necessary to look into it. Is there a pattern? Is there anything specific that triggers that behaviour, an activity, a person, a stage of the lesson? Analysing all these details will help to choose the right solutions to the problem.

Perhaps it is the time to change the routine? Perhaps some games or activities have to be put on hold for the time being? Perhaps the group needs more settlers? Perhaps they need more stirrers? Perhaps it is time to reconsider the seating arrangement? Perhaps it is the time to talk to the parents?

Find out more

It might happen, too, that the self-reflection of the classroom adventures is not enough and that the teacher will have to reach out to the parents because this background information might help to understand what is happening in the classroom and why and, in turn, lead to finding a solution.

New York

Post-post reflections

Classroom and behaviour management is the theme and the focus of session 3 of the IH VYL course on which I have been a tutor for four years now and that is always the session that, according to our trainees, ‘could last twice as long’, because there are so many issues, so many problems, so many tricky situations that the debate could go on forever…

Unfortunately, that is simply impossible. Fortunately, as another trainee commented, to some extent, we deal with the classroom and behaviour management in every session, while discussing craft, songs, stories and literacy so at the end of the course, our trainees are better prepared to manage a group of the little people. Here is one hoping that this post will be helpful, too!

It is my deeply-held belief that by gaining understanding of all the pre-school brain and heart and by trying to see the world from their perspective, we get better prepared to teach and to bring up very young learners and to deal with the classroom and behaviour management issues that might arise.

For that reason I started a series of posts on the blog, in which I describe the real situations from the classroom and how I dealt with them. The series is called ‘Child development stories’ and you can find it here. While a manual with all the potential situations and all the right answers is never going to happen, we can definitely learn from observing our students and from analysing what happened and get better at managing the pre-primary kingdom, on the good days and on the worse ones.

Happy teaching!

The Spiderman Story. CCQ-ing pre-school?

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Really, the whole story is between me and a pair of blue, three-year-old eyes. The world around does exist, of course, and the world around is watching, with curiosity, but not really participating.

‘Spider’, I say.

‘Spiderman’, he says.

‘Spider’, I repeat, pointing at the spider flashcard.

‘Spiderman’, he repeats, as if not noticing.

‘Spider’, I say, yet again.

‘Spiderman’, he says and, I’d swear, he nods, too.

***************

The blue eyes belong to a little Sasha who is quite young, true, but who feels empowered and a lot more confident than any other typical three-year-old might have been in any relatively new environment. It is because this little Sasha never walks alone, he has his older sister as the source of his superpower. He is pretty much fearless. That is why he gets into this, well, debate.

The conditions are perfect. It is a warm May afternoon, the summer is round the corner, and the audience are waiting for some entertainment. After all, the parents have come to see what the kids can do and what the teacher is teaching them. Everyone is present, all the children and all the parents. The teacher is there and even the trainee teacher. Who could have wished for more?

Sasha is not doing it on purpose. One of the most important words in his life now is ‘Spiderman‘ and it does resemble something that the teacher is saying. It feels like a cool game to recite it, together with the teacher, well, almost ‘recite’ it. Sasha continues to play.

He doesn’t see how the world freezes waiting for any reaction. He notices that his teacher’s face has become a bit tense but he does not think that it might have anything to do with the new game. He wouldn’t know that the teacher’s blood pressure is slowly going up because of what is happening and what is happening is this: a student making a mistake and the teacher not correcting him, fossilising the error for the years to come and this little boy confusing the little eight-legged creature with a superhero.

It might be that the parents have not even noticed or realised. It might be that the parents have found it to be funny, too. In the teacher’s head, however, the world is crumbling and the teacher is failing, despite all her experience.

Ideally, the teacher would have just waved two flashcards to illustrate the difference. Only, of course, there were no Spiderman flashcards just lying around.

***********

‘Now, Sasha, spider – Spiderman’, I say. Again.

‘Spiderman’, he says, smiling, probably thinking that I have finally managed to learn the right word. I smile, too.

‘Sasha, listen. Spiderman is a boy. Yes or no?’, I say.

‘Yes’, says Sasha.

‘Mhm. And Spiderman is big or small?’ I ask.

‘Big’, said Sasha, looking at the teacher with curiosity.

‘Right’, I say. And then I ask, raising the spider flashcard. ‘Is THIS big?’

‘No’, said Sasha.

‘Is it a boy?’ goes the next question.

Sasha looks up from the flashcard, he looks at the teacher and smiles.

‘No’, he says, and you, know

‘No’, said Sasha and, you know, the teacher would swear, something sparks up in Sasha’s three-year-old eyes.

‘Exactly. Look. Spider – Spiderman’, I say, once again pointing at the spider flashcard, also adding gestures ‘small’ and ‘big’ ..

‘Spider’, says Sasha, pointing at the flashcard. And then he adds: ‘Spiderman’

***********

Victory? Probably. A memorable moment? Absolutely.

In hindsight, also a bit of revelation that a little adrenaline rush and, all of a sudden, it turns out that it is possible to use CCQs, concept check questions, with very young pre-schoolers who are somewhere in the pre-A1 level. I had never thought it would be possible but, hey, there you go. When there’s a will, there is a way? Aka the games my brain likes to play.

Happy teaching!

‘Are you a girl or a lion?’

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Friday, twenty minutes before the start of the lesson. Two of the girls (5 and 6 y.o.) remember about the amazing game they played about a month ago and, immediately, decide to play it again. There is only one rule in the game: to follow the teacher around the school, as she gets ready and fixes the last bits before the lesson and to say ‘I’m hungry. I will eat you‘ to which the teacher offers various things to eat (‘Do you like books?’, ‘Do you like markers?’), *) to which you have to answer ‘No. I’m hungry but I only eat people‘. And you roar. A lot. The other kids are arriving gradually, the hallway is filling up with parents, grandparents, nannies and brothers and sisters.

Friday, five minutes before the lesson. The lion game is getting better by the minute so now there are four lions running around (Did I mention running before?) and roaring. And, believe it or not, four lions roaring make a lot of noise. It’s not that we pretend that kids are made of sugar and they are always sweet and quiet and picture perfect. Kids are kids and they should be but the teacher picking up the flashcards and taking the last sip of water in the teachers’ room thought, briefly, of an avalanche of noise and ‘unwanted behaviour’. The lions did not really care, they were having lots of fun.

Friday, 2 minutes before the lesson. The teacher is ready and is collecting the group to start the lesson properly. Alas. The lions are roaring, more and more loudly. ‘Let’s go!’ (Roar). ‘Please, stop’ (Roar roar), ‘OK, everyone, 10, 9, 8, 7…(Roar roar roar).

The teacher suddenly understands that she is not in the hallway of the school but on the edge of the cliff, on a windy day, on an empty stomach hence double dizzy. The lions do not like those lions that might calm down any time soon. The parents, grandparents and nannies have raised their eyes. The security guard, too, came out into the hallway and was observing the almost-mayhem in the hallway. The remaining 120 seconds should be used to re-introduce the order. The order should be sturdy enough to last sixty minutes of the lesson which is about to start.

You could say that’s not an ideal situation…

***********************

There were four things that I could do.

a) do nothing – not recommended, even if only because of those sixty minutes in the classroom to come.

b) let someone else sort it out – not recommended, not really. True, the kids have parents but at this point in the game, I don’t think I would want them to get involved. That’s why when our security guard (that the kids know and respect) started to saying something, I just shook my head and put a hand up to stop him. This mess was my mess and I had to deal with it. I think this is something I learnt during my five years at the state school – other people might be called to help with the behaviour management but at the end of the day it is your pack and you should be considered its leader.

c) talk to the kids in their L1 and sort it out – not recommended, not really. Why? Because I never talk to them in their L1 and this was serious enough, not yet anyway, to resort to that. I decided to keep it for another day and another occasion.

d) talk to the kids in English – tricky, with 5-year-old pre-A1 crowd but this is exactly what I decided to do.

I had no idea what I was doing, really. There were no previous cases that I could rely on, no plan of action but hey, if I don’t try, I will never know…Challenge accepted.

**********************

The teacher looked at her lions, still roaring in a small circle around her.

‘Now, where are my students? I want to start the lesson. Where are my students?’, said the teacher.

‘We are not students. We are lions!’ said the lions and they roard.

‘That’s a shame.’, said the teacher, feeling how someone continues to pull the rug from under her feet. She took a deep breath. She looked at the first lion on her left.

‘Are you a girl or a lion?’ asked the teacher.

‘A lion’

‘Are you a girl or a lion?’ now the teacher asked the second lion.

‘A lion’ said that second lion, with a beautiful smile.

‘Are you a girl or a lion?’

‘A lion’ said the lion and the teacher realised that almost all is lost.

‘Are you a girl or a lion?’ asked the teacher.

‘A lion’, said the fourth lion and the teacher was feeling pretty desperate then. The parents, the grandparents and the nannies were all watching then. Of course.

‘Right’, said the teacher. ‘It is a real shame but the English lesson is ONLY for boys and girls, not lions. I am sorry. Bye bye, lions’, said the teacher waving her hand and started walking towards the classroom. She stopped after a few steps where a little boy was sitting with his mum.

‘Hello, Sasha! Are you a boy or a lion?’ asked the teacher.

‘A boy’ said the boy.

‘Great! Let’s go to the classroom!’ said the teacher and off they went. They stopped again after a few more steps where a little girl was sitting with her mum.

‘Hello, Sasha! Are you a girl or a lion?’ asked the teacher.

‘A girl’, said the girl.

‘Fantastic! Let’s go to the classroom!’ said the teacher and all three went to the classroom.

At the classroom door, they stopped, and formed a line. The teacher opened the door, walked in, sat at the door and started saying hello to the first student in line (a part of the routine). They were in the middle of the chat about howareyoutoday and green pencils and yellow schoolbags, when one more person appeared at the end of the line.

‘Anka!’ she shouted, ‘Anka, hello! I am a girl!’

This was the first of the used-to-be lions and the other three quickly stood in line behind her. A miracle!!! In the end, we had one human teacher and seven human children taking part in this lesson.

***********************

This is a great VYL anecdote, of course, and I am sure, in the years to come, I will be going back to it to smile and to remember how difficult it was not to giggle when a girl-turned lion-turned girl came up to announce (in English) that she changed her mind and was ready to take part in the lesson for humans.

It is also a story about what it might be like to be a student at five and that what the big people see as being naughty (running around, roaring, pretending to be a lion) is just a lot of fun and an opportunity to do something different and to experiment with the ways of the world.

Finally, it is also a story about using or not using the L1 in the VYL classroom. You an use it, you don’t have to but using L1 is not the only way. It is a challenge but it is an interesting one. And it is possible.

Some people do sudoku to exercise their brains, some enjoy complex Maths thingies (that clearly not me), some like to guess the ending of a crime story before it is officially revealed in the final chapters. My brain seems to revel in such child-development-and-language-grading games. Especially when there is the added bonus of a high profile audience, of parents, supervisors or trainees…

I will leave the Spiderman story for some other occasion.

Happy teaching!

*) The text in italics is what the kids said in L1.

Child development stories #2

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Enter Sasha

She is five years old and is a big sister to a baby brother. She is in the second year of our EFL course. The group in which she is studying is not big at all, only four kids, two boys and two girls. We can meet only once a week, on Saturday morning, for two real hours.

It happens in the second half of the lesson. The kids are completing the literacy development activities, tracing letter M and gluing in a few pictures with mum, a mouse, a monkey. They are having fun because at the same time we are playing our new favourite game: what colour is it? Which is about making up new names for all the colours. No more ‘green marker’ then, no more ‘purple marker’. They have been rebranded as ‘a cucumber marker’ and ‘an aubergine marker’. All of a sudden brown is the new black because we all call it ‘a chocolate marker’ and everyone wants to use it.

Just then, both Sasha and Andrey reach out for the same marker and Sasha waves her hand so unfortunately that she hits Andrey, not very hard to make him cry but hard enough to cause discomfort. Andrey gets upset.

The teacher says ‘Oh, Andrey, are you ok? Sasha didn’t mean it. She will say sorry. Sasha, please say sorry.’

But Sasha shakes her head.

Teacher continues ‘Sasha, you are fantastic and you did not mean it. But Andrey is sad. If you say ‘I am sorry’, he will be happy’ (all that navigating carefully between the buoys of acceptable English and English graded to the pre-A level, with all the gestures, soft voice and empathy). Andrey is calmer but Sasha shakes her head. ‘Sasha, please say sorry’

And this is when she raises her head, looks at the teacher with defiance and says, in her L1 ‘You can’t tell me what to do. You are not my boss’

The teacher sighs, struggling to keep a straight face because it is hilarious. Even more so because the word she uses is very formal, strong and way above the 5-year-old range. A corporate culture vernacular, she has picked up somewhere.  The teacher gives up and once again smiles at Andrey. ‘It’s OK, Andrey. Don’t worry. It’s going to be OK’

The lesson goes on…

The kids go back to tracing the letters. Just then, Sasha suddenly stands up and starts walking. The teacher looks up and says ‘Sasha, please sit down’ but this is when the little girl looks at the teacher again, right in the eye. The last traces of defiance are gone and now she is something new about her, something in her eyes, as if she is saying ‘Please, let me do it’. The teacher nods her head.

Sasha goes around the table, behind the other kids’ backs, until she reaches Andrey. He looks at her but she bends, with her hands cupped around her mouth and his ear and says in L1 and in that child whisper that absolutely everyone in the room can hear clearly ‘Andrey, please don’t tell anyone, it is a secret. I am really sorry. I didn’t mean it’. The she just goes back to her seat and finishes her task, as if nothing has happened. Nothing at all.

The things that I have learnt from this story

  • Kids are different and even the bravest and the most outspoken ones will not feel very comfortable with all the limelight and attention on them, positive or negative, even if the audience comprises of only four other people that they know really well.
  • The teacher has to react to any unwanted behaviour to signal that this is not what we are going to tolerate, however, it is also up to the teacher to decide how long this ‘reaction’ should last. When does it stop being effective and turns into ‘torture’ and ‘punishment’
  • Is it always a good idea to encourage or to make the kids say that they are sorry there and then even if they don’t mean it and don’t want to do it? Debatable. It might be a good idea to leave some room for the learner and human autonomy and let them sort it out themselves, under a teacher’s supervision, of course.
  • What Sasha said to the teacher could have been potentially interpreted as a lack of respect but it was something that was clearly overheard at home and applied in a different context, in a similar situation. It never happened before and it never happened again afterwards and, to be honest, the only difficult thing about it was that I had to keep a straight face, although inside I was rolling with laughter.
  • Sasha did understand very well that she was the responsible one, she did not feel comfortable with it and wanted to signal her discomfort to the world. And, in a way, she did and effectively so. Perhaps a sad face or tears would be a more typical way of reacting in such a situation, a more predictable one but children are different and they react differently.
  • We did have our happy ending but if I were to give any advice to this teacher (well, myself from a few years ago), I would suggest telling Sasha a secret, instead of drawing even more attention to something that she did do.

Happy teaching!

Child development stories #1: Luna Lovegood

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Why this series? Child development is one of the key areas when it comes to the teacher education in the area of primary and pre-primary. At the same time, whereas the other two areas, the knowledge of the language and the appropriate methodology, are better taken care of, child development for the EFL teachers is still waiting to happen. Hence this series.

I hope that some of my adventures will contribute to understanding who the little people in our classrooms are and how to approach them.

All of this really did happen but we want to protect real kids and their stories so for the purpose of this little exercise here, everyone will be a Sasha as it can be a boy or a girl and the name is used worldwide, too.

Enter Sasha.

On the one hand, there is nothing unusual about it, really, there is always one child in (each) group that is going to be your space cadet, daydreamer, lost, your head in the clouds, moony, your Luna Lovegood, your Tigger, Little Miss Scatterbrain. There is always one and it is perfectly fine.

My Luna was a boy, aged 5, Alexander, although this name was too big for him, so we just called him Sasha or Sanya.

Sanya could not stay focused…

…throughout the lesson for as long as all the other kids, and despite the fact that it was year 2, with plenty of time for him to get used to the routine and the length of the lesson. He did not pay attention, he would switch off, he had to be called back. He would come late every now and again and very very rarely did he bring the homework.

He did not interact with the kids well, either.

He did not make friends with the girls, who stayed in their own circle but he did not seem to be getting on very well with the other three boys in the group. Grisha, the youngest always chose to sit with his older brother and Artem refused to sit with him. Of course, they did play together and interact during the lesson, I did take care of it, but they only did the absolute minimum.

And yet, Sanya, did look for this interaction only his methods were not approved of by the boys. For example, one day, in the middle of the lesson, he went to Artem and hugged him to which Artem pushed him off with ‘Don’t kiss me, you are not my mum’…All of it was rather unusual and a definite change of behaviour.

But even before I managed to get in touch and talk to Sanya’s mum…

the truth revealed itself. One of these days in November, the lesson finished and Sanya was still there in the classroom. When I asked ‘Where is your mummy?’, he explained that today his mummy is not coming to pick him upstairs (3rd floor) but that he should walk downstairs those six flight of stairs and meet her on the ground floor, by the cloakroom, a strange request and a real challenge, in that building. I let the assistant know and I said ‘Let’s go’ reaching out my hand. And because it was a long trip, step by step by step, hand in hand and because he was a little gloomy, I decided to talk to him. Now, mind you, he was still a pre-A level and so I did speak English and he replied in Russian. We counted stairs, I praised him for the lesson and then, I decided to ask, just making small talk, ‘Sanya, who is coming today, mummy or daddy?’ and this is when the heartbreak began. And the understanding.

Sanya just answered the question and because it must have been something that has been bothering him, he just went on talking.

‘My uncle is coming today. I don’t have a daddy. He doesn’t live with us anymore. He’s got a new home and a new baby son. We live with the uncle, my mummy and me’

At the age of 5, Sanya had already been through his parents’ separation, at an unknown cost and stress, his half-brother’s birth and who knows what else. No wonder he was a little bit off. No wonder mum had other issues to deal with rather than the homework. No wonder he needed some more attention from the other kids and from the teacher.

Back then I was still a very young and shy teacher.

I did not talk to Sanya’s mum. What I focused on was making Sanya’s time in class a little bit more bearable: no stickers for homework, homework replacement that he could do in class when I was checking other kids’ tasks and deal with his in the end, praising him and putting more effort in creating opportunities for him to bond with other children, making sure he is fine.

And walking him downstairs to the cloakroom after the lesson.

Today, it would have been different. I would have more energy and more confidence to talk to mum and voice my concerns and try to work with her more closely.